Depression looks different for everybody. I know that nobody knew what I was going through, and it would only surface every so often with my wife. I think she thought something might be wrong be she didn’t really know. I knew something was wrong, and I tried to hide it. And I tried to pray it away. I thought it was just a bad mood, which it kind of was, but it was deeper than that.
When I had moments to myself, I found that I could barely move. I was so caught up in a feeling of deep sadness. I moved like a sloth, extremely slowly. I had no motivation. In these moments, I realized that I could do something about them by not letting them surface.
So I decided to be the busiest person in the world. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. I didn’t want to be alone with myself because I knew I didn’t feel right. When I had quiet moments, those feelings would surface, and I would feel them again, and they were hard to get rid of. The best way to keep them away was to stay busy.
When I would drive, I couldn’t drive with my thoughts, so I cranked up my music, mostly country music, and drove and drove. I would listen to the words of the songs, and most of them were about either really sad things or being in love, so I chose the ones about being in love because I was in love with my wife.
At a certain point, I was exhausted. I never had time to process what I was going through because I was avoiding it. I wanted to receive personal revelation, but I couldn’t stand to be alone with myself and my thoughts. So I prayed. I prayed for these feelings to leave me and that I could be happy.
Then I read something by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: “Though we may feel we are ‘like a broken vessel,’ as the psalmist says, we must remember that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed.” Then it hit me. He said that broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. I realized he meant literally, and not with a spiritual bandaid. I read about it and found a therapist. I was prescribed some medication. It wasn’t an overnight fix, and I still struggle with it, but it isn’t the way it was. It isn’t every day. I can be alone in silence and not worry. I have learned how to refocus my thoughts when they go crazy, and they do go very crazy sometimes.
If any of this sounds familiar, please get help. Please message me, and I will help you get help. I don’t want anybody to suffer the way I did. I want people to be themselves and not depression or anxiety. You can’t just pray it away. You can pray for guidance to the help you need, and you can follow that guidance. You need to put forth the effort to get fixed when you’re broken. You would do it if you broke you arm, so do it if you need help with your mental health. We need to remove the stigmas of depression and anxiety by talking and sharing.
The Multifaceted Nature of Depression: A Personal Account and Scientific Perspective
Abstract
This article presents a first-hand account of depression, coupled with scientific insights into its manifestations and treatment. We explore the psychological mechanisms of avoidance, the neurobiological basis of depressive symptoms, and evidence-based approaches to managing this complex disorder.
Introduction: The Invisible Struggle
Depression, a prevalent mental health disorder, often manifests in ways that are not immediately apparent to external observers. This personal narrative, combined with scientific analysis, aims to shed light on the subtle yet profound impact of depression on daily functioning and interpersonal relationships.
Clinical Presentation
Symptomatology
The account describes several key symptoms consistent with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) as defined in the DSM-5:
- Anhedonia: Lack of pleasure or interest in activities
- Psychomotor retardation: Described as moving “like a sloth”
- Fatigue and loss of energy
- Difficulty concentrating or thinking
Avoidance Behaviors
A notable aspect of this case is the employment of avoidance as a coping mechanism. Research indicates that avoidance behaviors, while providing short-term relief, often exacerbate depressive symptoms in the long term (Ottenbreit & Dobson, 2004).
Neurobiological Underpinnings
Recent neuroimaging studies have shown that depression is associated with alterations in brain structure and function, particularly in regions involved in emotional processing and regulation (Drevets et al., 2008). The described difficulty in being alone with one’s thoughts may be related to dysregulation in the default mode network, which is active during self-referential processing (Sheline et al., 2009).
Treatment Approaches
Psychotherapy
The narrative highlights the importance of professional intervention. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has shown high efficacy in treating depression, particularly in addressing maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors (Butler et al., 2006).
Pharmacotherapy
The mention of medication aligns with current treatment guidelines, which often recommend a combination of psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy for moderate to severe depression (APA, 2010).
The Role of Social Support and Spirituality
While the account emphasizes the limitations of solely relying on spiritual practices for treating depression, research suggests that spirituality and social support can play important complementary roles in recovery (Koenig, 2009).
Public Health Implications
The author’s call to action regarding mental health stigma is crucial. Studies have shown that public education and open dialogue about mental health can significantly reduce stigma and increase treatment-seeking behaviors (Corrigan et al., 2012).
Conclusion
This personal account, corroborated by scientific literature, underscores the complex nature of depression and the importance of evidence-based, multifaceted treatment approaches. It highlights the need for continued research into the neurobiological basis of depression and the development of targeted interventions.
Future research directions should focus on personalized treatment approaches, considering individual neurobiological profiles and environmental factors to optimize outcomes for those suffering from depression.