I really hate to admit this, but I have struggled with mental health. I have always considered myself an optimist, and I’m pretty sure that’s what got me into trouble. I never once thought about mental health or depression or anxiety at all. I had heard about people who were struggling, and I always felt so sad for them, but they were always described the same way: “they were so depressed they couldn’t even get out of bed.” In my mind, I imagined what that must feel and look like. It was a lot of people with messy hair in bathrobes sitting around doing nothing. And maybe that is what it looks like for some people. I am not making light of this in any way.

But I didn’t recognize depression in myself because that was the image I had. For me, it started slowly. I started to lose motivation a little at a time, I started getting really distracted, I just didn’t feel happy. I didn’t feel sad, but I didn’t feel happy. I started to feel numb to the world around me. I have always been hyper productive in my life, and as soon as I could see that I wasn’t as productive as I thought I should be, I kicked it into gear even more and became even more productive. I took on many things and spread myself too thin. When I would stop and have a moment to myself, I realized I wasn’t where I wanted to be, so I would do something else.

I self-medicated depression with tasks that were unfulfilling, but I felt like I had to keep it up or I was slipping.

The realization that I needed help came in January. Since January is the worst month of the year, I suppose it was the best time of year to realize I had a problem. I was accidentally pushing my wife away, and she was really annoyed at me one night. I withdrew that night and for several days after. I felt worthless. I wasn’t quite sad, but I had a heavy feeling in my heart.

My sleep was impacted during all this time. I would fall asleep easily, but then I would wake up an hour or two later and my thoughts were screaming at me. They were so loud that I even listened quietly in the dark, hoping my wife couldn’t hear them too.

The problem with these thoughts was that they weren’t focused. There were at least fifty voices yelling at me at the same time, which caused insomnia.

I decided to read some delf-help books, but they didn’t work. In fact, they only made me feel worse. I can’t even remember a single thing they told me because they were mostly theoretical and not actionable. I didn’t know what any of the methods they presented were supposed to look like. They made sense, but I didn’t know what they would look like. I remember one was about mindfulness, but it was useless.

One night, I prayed and I felt like I just needed to talk to someone. I didn’t want to talk to my bishop because I didn’t think he could help, and I assumed he would just tell me I needed to pray more. I had prayed a million times, and I couldn’t get that feeling to go away.

I wasn’t sure how to find someone to talk to or even what that kind of person needed to be. I looked at life coaches and online courses and all over the place. Then I had an idea that I needed to see a therapist. I didn’t want to have to call and tell a receptionist how I was feeling and why I needed to see a therapist, so I searched for therapists near me who had online booking systems. I found one, and scheduled my first appointment.

While I still wasn’t sure what was wrong with me, I was happy that I finally had someone to talk to about it. Before I had my first meeting with the therapist, I filled out an online intake form where I tried to describe what was happening to me. I don’t think I did a very good job, but I tried.

Then it was time for my appointment. I was so nervous. I was shaking. I didn’t want to go into the building because I didn’t want other people in the building to see that I was going to the therapist’s office. I didn’t want them to think I was messed up. Those are all stigmas. They are things I told myself, and they are things other people tell themselves too.

There is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it.

Get help when you need it!

I had to shop around for a good therapist. The first one I went to was awful and just wanted to tell me everyone in the world was toxic. She never gave any homework assignments, and just wanted me to tell her how terrible everyone in my life was, including my wife. I wasn’t sure she wanted us to stay married, but I wanted to stay married. She even told me that a lot of my life problems were my own fault for being a man. That made me feel even worse. I went to two appointments with her, and then never scheduled a follow up.

Then I went to a man, who sounded just like a self-help book. He told me I needed to get out of my head so much and practice mindfulness. I agreed, and when I asked what that was supposed to look like, he told me I could just figure it out. He was also a member of the church, and he told me I needed to pray more and have more faith. He also said that I needed to live my life for Heavenly Father and Jesus, and not to worry about what other people thought of me. I wasn’t sure I had even said anything about being worried about what people thought of me. Anyway, he was worse than the first woman.

I was about to give up, and I read online that sometimes it takes a minute to find the right person. So I started listening to podcasts from therapists to see if there were any that I thought had the ability to help me. I came across a group, and scheduled with someone whose bio said she loved working with people and helping them find strategies to cope with what they were going through. I tried her out, and hit the jackpot. She is the best therapist in the world—for me. She gives me reflection assignments and books to read, and we talk through what I’m going through.

She told me that I was going through a situational depression, and that I needed medication. So she told me to see my primary care provider.

There you have it. With the help of therapy and medication, I overcame depression. It wasn’t easy, and I had to deal with a lot of stuff I hadn’t worked through in my life. It was all piling on top of me and my mind was like a messy bedroom. We picked up each of the items on the floor and discussed them before putting them on the shelf. She taught me that I can pick them up off the shelf any time and be there with them and feel the emotions tied to them, and then I can put them back and move on. I liked this analogy because it has helped me put my life into a more focused perspective.

Here is more information to help you with your mental health struggle:

Navigating the Complexities of Mental Health: A Personal and Scientific Perspective

Mental health disorders affect millions of individuals worldwide, with depression being one of the most prevalent conditions. This article presents a personal account of experiencing and overcoming depression, interwoven with scientific insights to provide a comprehensive understanding of the journey through mental health challenges.

The Insidious Nature of Depression

Depression often manifests in ways that can be difficult to recognize, particularly for those who have preconceived notions about its presentation. Contrary to popular belief, depression doesn’t always conform to the stereotypical image of an individual unable to leave their bed. The onset can be gradual and subtle, characterized by:

1. Diminishing motivation
2. Increased distractibility
3. Emotional numbness
4. Paradoxical hyperproductivity as a coping mechanism

Research indicates that high-functioning depression, or persistent depressive disorder, affects approximately 3% of the U.S. adult population (Persistent Depressive Disorder, NIMH, 2023).

Recognizing the Signs

Key indicators that signaled the presence of depression in this case included:

• Sleep disturbances, particularly middle insomnia
• Intrusive, racing thoughts
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Emotional withdrawal from relationships
• Loss of pleasure in previously enjoyable activities (anhedonia)

These symptoms align with the diagnostic criteria for Major Depressive Disorder as outlined in the DSM-5 (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

The Therapeutic Journey

The Importance of Finding the Right Therapist

The process of finding an effective therapist is crucial and often requires persistence. Studies show that the therapeutic alliance—the relationship between therapist and client—is a significant predictor of positive outcomes in psychotherapy (Horvath et al., 2011).

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Techniques

The successful therapeutic approach described incorporates elements of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a well-established treatment for depression. Key components included:

1. Reflection assignments
2. Bibliotherapy
3. Cognitive restructuring
4. Mindfulness practices

Meta-analyses have consistently shown CBT to be an effective treatment for depression, with effect sizes ranging from moderate to large (Cuijpers et al., 2013).

The Role of Medication

The combination of psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy, as recommended in this case, is supported by research. A meta-analysis by Cuijpers et al. (2020) found that combined treatment was more effective than psychotherapy alone for adult depression.

Overcoming Stigma

The reluctance to seek help due to perceived stigma is a common barrier to mental health treatment. Public health initiatives aimed at reducing mental health stigma have shown promise in increasing treatment-seeking behaviors (Corrigan et al., 2012).

Conclusion: A Holistic Approach to Mental Health

This personal account underscores the importance of a multifaceted approach to mental health treatment, incorporating:

1. Professional psychotherapy
2. Evidence-based therapeutic techniques
3. Pharmacological interventions when appropriate
4. Ongoing self-reflection and personal growth

By sharing such experiences and coupling them with scientific evidence, we can foster a more informed and compassionate understanding of mental health challenges.

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Keywords: depression, mental health, cognitive behavioral therapy, psychotherapy, therapeutic alliance, stigma reduction, evidence-based treatment

Meta Description: Explore a personal journey through depression, backed by scientific insights. Learn about recognizing symptoms, finding effective therapy, and the latest research on mental health treatments.