With infertility, there are many feelings: abandonment, loneliness, stress, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of not belonging to the church community, and many more. One of the craziest and least expected feelings I had was anxiety before baby dancing (the fertility world’s word for baby-making sex). When it is ovulation time, there’s a lot at stake. You’ve spent a ton of money for ovulation to happen (in our case), and then if you don’t get your guys in place when the grand moment arrives, then you can kiss your chances of conceiving goodbye. That is not a fun feeling.
And men have a body part that doesn’t respond well to stress. Not fun. I have had many moments when I couldn’t do what I needed to do, which was just have fun. That doesn’t seem like a tall order, but it is for me and for many other guys out there.
I was really hoping it was from medications or an unexplained illness. Wouldn’t it be terrible it if was all in my mind? Surely, there had to be something actually wrong with me. Well, there wasn’t. And that’s actually a good thing. If there was something biologically wrong with me, then it would be a big fix. Not that fixing your brain isn’t also a big fix.
I called the urologist and asked for ED pills and anti-anxiety pills and anything else he could give me. He said no to the anti-anxiety pills, by the way, so now it was time to hulk out with the pills. While it fixes the problem in the short-term, it isn’t a fun solution.
In future posts, I’ll write about fertility treatments and our experiences with them, but for now, we need to focus on ED. Before I get into the ins and outs of it, I did see a therapist about it, and he told me to get out of my mind and into my body. What on earth is that supposed to mean? What I needed was for someone to tell me: first, do not give yourself permission to let your mind go there, second, don’t tell yourself not to think about it because that’s like telling someone not to look at the unicycle-riding panda riding past a three-car-pile-up and who is about to ride right into the open manhole cover. Of course, you look, and of course, you think about your problem. Third, don’t try to get it up and don’t try to keep it up. Both of those things are taking your mind out of the great experience you’re having. So knock it off.
There are some great apps out there to help you get ready and to train yourself not to have sexual dysfunction. The one I like best is Mojo. It’s really great.
At the end of the day, don’t beat yourself up over it. It is embarrassing and humiliating (maybe those are the same thing) and you start to think that your only purpose as a man in the whole reproductive process is to have fun. Get it up and have a lot of fun. So then you start to think you’re not as manly as you thought you were and it starts to affect all aspects of your life, including your job and you start to lose confidence because if you can’t get it up, which should be the easiest, most natural thing in the world, then what else will you fail at?
Well, guess what? You are more manly than you thought you were. You are very manly. You’re going to be fine. Just laugh it off (which is so hard to do), and don’t stress about the next experience because this is a cycle.
Just look around Elder’s Quorum next Sunday and realize that some of them are struggling too. If they are under 40: 5-10% struggle; 40-49: 40% struggle; 50-59: 50%; 60-69: still rising; and over 70: 70% of men. If you do the math, that’s quite a few men in your own ward or at your work that are struggling with the same thing. So it’s okay. It doesn’t feel okay, but it is.
We should talk about it more. We should support our brothers in their silent struggles with ED and anything else that stresses them out. But we don’t. How will we ever get this conversation started?
The Psychological Impact of Infertility: Addressing Erectile Dysfunction in the Context of Reproductive Challenges
Infertility presents a complex array of psychological challenges that can significantly impact an individual’s mental health and relationship dynamics. This article aims to explore one of the less discussed but crucial aspects of male infertility: erectile dysfunction (ED) in the context of assisted reproduction efforts.
The Emotional Landscape of Infertility
Individuals facing infertility often experience a spectrum of emotions, including:
- Feelings of abandonment
- Profound loneliness
- Chronic stress
- Perceived inadequacy
- Disconnection from community, particularly in faith-based settings
These emotional responses are well-documented in reproductive psychology literature and represent normal reactions to the significant life stressor that is infertility.
The Unexpected Challenge: Performance Anxiety
One of the less anticipated but common experiences for men undergoing fertility treatments is the development of situational erectile dysfunction. This phenomenon is particularly prevalent during ovulation periods, when the pressure to conceive is at its peak.
Factors Contributing to ED in Fertility Treatment Contexts:
- Financial stress associated with treatments
- Time-sensitive nature of conception attempts
- Psychological pressure to perform
- Altered perception of sexual intimacy
It’s crucial to understand that ED in these circumstances is primarily psychogenic rather than organic in nature.
The Physiological Response to Stress
The male sexual response is particularly vulnerable to stress-induced dysfunction. Elevated cortisol levels, associated with chronic stress, can interfere with the hormonal cascade necessary for erection. This creates a challenging feedback loop where anxiety about performance leads to physiological impediments, further exacerbating the anxiety.
Addressing ED in Fertility Treatment
Medical Interventions
While phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5) inhibitors can provide short-term relief, they do not address the underlying psychological factors. It’s important to note that anxiolytic medications are typically not prescribed for this specific situation due to potential impacts on fertility and the risk of dependence.
Psychological Approaches
Cognitive-behavioral strategies have shown efficacy in managing ED related to infertility stress. Key components include:
- Mindfulness techniques to promote present-moment awareness
- Cognitive restructuring to challenge unhelpful thought patterns
- Behavioral exercises to reduce performance anxiety
The therapist’s advice to “get out of your mind and into your body” aligns with mindfulness principles but requires more concrete implementation strategies.
Practical Strategies for Managing ED
- Avoid self-permission for negative thought spirals
- Refrain from actively suppressing thoughts about ED
- Shift focus from performance to sensory experience
- Utilize specialized applications designed for sexual dysfunction management
The Prevalence of ED: A Silent Epidemic
It’s crucial to contextualize ED within broader population statistics:
- 5-10% of men under 40 experience ED
- 40% prevalence in men aged 40-49
- 50% prevalence in men aged 50-59
- Continuing increase in prevalence for men over 60
These statistics underscore that ED is a common experience, particularly in the context of reproductive challenges and advancing age.
Fostering Open Dialogue and Support
The stigma surrounding ED, particularly in the context of infertility, often prevents open discussion and help-seeking behavior. Creating safe spaces for men to discuss these challenges is essential for:
- Reducing individual shame and isolation
- Promoting early intervention and treatment
- Enhancing overall reproductive health outcomes
- Strengthening partner relationships during fertility treatments
Conclusion
Erectile dysfunction in the context of infertility treatment represents a significant but often overlooked challenge. By understanding the interplay between psychological stress and physiological function, individuals and couples can approach this issue with greater compassion and efficacy. It is imperative that healthcare providers, mental health professionals, and community leaders work together to destigmatize these experiences and provide comprehensive support for those navigating the complex journey of assisted reproduction.
Keywords: infertility, erectile dysfunction, reproductive psychology, stress management, cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness, male sexual health, assisted reproduction
Meta Description: Explore the psychological impact of infertility on male sexual function, with a focus on managing erectile dysfunction during fertility treatments. Learn about prevalence, causes, and evidence-based strategies for support.