I don’t know about all of you, but when I was growing up, sex, or as we often call it in our religion—intimacy, was never talked about. This was especially true when speaking positively about it. I have heard many different ways to describe it, including “the big nasty,” “a necessary evil,” “doing bad things with your spouse,” “being naughty,” and many more. There is nothing nasty, evil, bad, or naughty about having sex with your spouse. It’s the EXACT OPPOSITE. It is good and beautiful and necessary and wonderful and will bring you close together.

How do we talk more positively about sex so the next generation won’t think it’s something bad?

When I think back on when I was a young man, I heard all sorts of bad stuff about sex at school, and if I ever wanted to learn anything, I could have asked anybody at school to tell me. My parents didn’t talk about it, and as far as I could tell, none of the other kids from our religion ever got any lessons. I think it’s fine to learn and explore starting on your wedding night, but I think many flopped wedding nights could be salvaged with setting reasonable expectations.

How do you go from making out as the most extreme form of intimacy you can take part in before marriage to daring to take your clothes off and go all the way? How many people even truly understand the mechanics of going all the way? I’m guessing that neither the bride nor the groom knows much about how to get her ready, and that’s not fair to either of them.

Now, about the word ‘intimacy.’ I have read many books on intimacy, and there are essentially four parts: physical, sexual, emotional, and spiritual. There are other books that describe the six levels of intimacy, and others as well. They are all good. It’s important to be vulnerable with your spouse in each of these areas; however, youth need to learn that any of these forms of intimacy can lead to sexual intimacy.

But that is changing the subject. When I was a young man, it would have been very helpful if my Sunday School teachers and Young Men’s advisors would have taught us the law of chastity as that: that you should only have a sexual relationship with your husband or wife. Period. Notice that I did not say: you should not have a sexual relationship unless you are married. Using the word ‘not’ makes it negative. Youth should be taught the marriage and sex are fun and hard and sometimes confusing. They should be taught that it is a really exciting gift that Heavenly Father has for us when we make covenants with our spouse in the temple. We should avoid negative words and imagery.

When I was on my mission, I was talking about how excited I was to have sex with my future wife on our wedding night. I know it wasn’t the most appropriate thing, but my companion’s response surprised me. He asked if I was planning to have kids right away. I said no and asked why. He said that he didn’t think it was right to have sex on your wedding night unless you were ready to have kids. I asked him what he was talking about, and he fumbled for the words. Then I asked him how often he was planning to have sex with his wife after he got married. He told me that he would have sex with her when they were trying to conceive, but that was it, right? I laughed and told him he was wrong. We talked about it a little bit longer, and he thought that it was a sin to have sex with your wife just for fun and that Heavenly Father lifted the ban on sex only when you were trying to have a baby. I don’t know how things turned out for him, but I hope he and his wife are having sex all the time—at least two or three times a week, if not more.

That is just one of many examples in my life of people who don’t understand sex and what it is meant for. The church leadership has hinted at how it is a beautiful thing, but they have only hinted. I think it’s okay to teach the youth that there are some exciting things in their future, including all types of intimacy. So let’s say good things about sex and make it less bad or scary!

Embracing Sex Positivity: Fostering Healthy Attitudes Towards Intimacy

Meta Description

Discover the importance of sex-positive education and communication in fostering healthy relationships. Learn how to shift perspectives on intimacy from taboo to celebration within religious contexts.

Introduction

Growing up in a religious environment often means encountering limited or negative discourse surrounding sex and intimacy. This article explores the necessity of adopting a more sex-positive approach, especially within faith communities, to promote healthier attitudes towards physical relationships.

The Impact of Negative Language

Historically, many religious circles have used disparaging terms to describe sexual intimacy, such as:

“The big nasty”
“A necessary evil”
“Doing bad things with your spouse”
“Being naughty”

These descriptors contribute to a culture of shame and misunderstanding. In reality, sexual intimacy between spouses should be viewed as a positive, bonding experience.

Shifting the Narrative

Positive Communication About Sex

To cultivate a healthier perspective for future generations, we must reframe our language around sex. Instead of focusing on what not to do, educators and parents should emphasize the beauty and importance of intimate relationships within marriage.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Many young couples enter marriage with limited knowledge about sexual intimacy. This lack of information can lead to disappointing or confusing experiences. Providing age-appropriate education about the mechanics and emotional aspects of sex can help set realistic expectations for newlyweds.

Understanding Intimacy Holistically

Intimacy encompasses multiple dimensions:

Physical
Sexual
Emotional
Spiritual

Each aspect plays a crucial role in building a strong marital relationship. It’s essential to teach young people about these various forms of intimacy and how they interrelate.

Teaching the Law of Chastity Positively

Religious educators should present the law of chastity in a positive light. Rather than saying, “You should not have a sexual relationship unless you are married,” frame it as, “Sexual relationships are a special gift reserved for married couples.” This subtle shift in language can significantly impact how young people perceive intimacy.

Dispelling Myths and Misconceptions

Many individuals, even within religious communities, hold misconceptions about sex within marriage. Some believe it’s only permissible for procreation. It’s crucial to address these misunderstandings and promote a healthy view of sexual intimacy as a bonding experience for married couples.

Conclusion

By adopting a more sex-positive approach in religious education and family discussions, we can help future generations develop healthier attitudes towards intimacy. This shift will contribute to stronger marriages and more fulfilling relationships.

Let’s Be More Sex-Positive